In 17 days, I will graduate from college. I will have a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Photography and Graphic Design.
For many, graduating from college is one of the most superlative moments of their life. Even if they are going on to further their education, they still feel like one of the larger life hurdles is over for them, and they are finally a "true" adult.
For me this is not true.
For one, I am moving back in with my parents this fall, which arguably is a step backward from "true" adulthood.
I am continuing my education, but not as a graduate student, no no no. I am a "second degree" undergrad, because I made some faulty decisions and chose the career that I thought I would have the most fun at, rather than the one that God chose for me. [Even though I do love my art, and it is a huge part of my life, it is not where I'm supposed to be.] My pre-pharmacy education will hopefully take another year, upon which I'll get into Samford, and be good to go, albeit in debt $150,000.
Furthermore, the last summer class I'm taking, Chemistry 2, which should be a pretty average course, difficulty-wise, is killing me. I'm making grades that I've never made on tests, and just completely lacking the motivation to do better.
I'm feeling overwhelmed with moving out and lately, I'm having the Garden State moment.
I've had it before, but this time it feels more permanent. It's the primary reason why I could care less about repainting my currently magenta/gold bedroom at home (and besides, it was never mine to begin with anyways).
The point is: something has to change.
Since chemistry is most certainly not going to get easier for me, and since my $150,000 is not going to pay itself off, and since I eventually want to be an "adult," or at least something akin to that, I've decided that I need to change.
I need to rearrange my priorities, which for me means unplugging my tv. Spending free time studying rather than seeing how hot Piper is looking on Covert Affairs (one of my new favorite shows). I need to spend more time with God; praying, studying, worshiping and sharing. I know that's a Sunday school answer, but if its true I find it hard to omit. Of course, there are others, and since this is for the Living A Better Story Contest I figure I should be more specific.
GO!
In the next year I want to make A's. All A's. Nothing BUT A's. That one's pretty simple. I need to change.
I want to get a job, paying or non, in some sort of pharmacy-relevant environment. I need the experience, and I want the knowledge. I need to change.
I want to do the Ride:Well Tour. There, I said it. I know it's a big shoe to fill, but its so true. Minus getting into pharmacy school, I want this more than almost anything else I have on my list. This one is tricky though, because in order to be able to have June 1 - August 1 off, I have to get a really good PCAT score, and get good grades, so that I can get into Samford my first time around. If not, I need to take summer classes and try to get into Auburn, therefore, no Ride:Well. I'm almost to my goal amount for my new bike, and I'm committed to starting to train this fall. I need to change.
I want to raise a meaningful amount of money for Blood:Water, and another charity. I'm adding the "other charity" part because if you know me, you know I love Blood:Water and I can get a little annoying about it sometimes possibly. I figure I should share the love, and try to help some other cause, especially since there are so many. I need to make my community aware, and stir people's hearts to heal the world. I need to change.
I want to take beautiful photographs. I am the worst photography major you will ever meet. I have barely touched my camera over the past two years, and although I still take decent photos, I am totally out of touch with a facet of my life that completely consumed me for a while. I know this sounds unimportant to you, but getting back that person to me is huge. I need to change.
I want to be a man worth marrying. I want to be the type of man that can be with someone forever. This requires a lot of growing up. A lot of intimacy. A whole hell of a lot of scariness. And for me, it requires being more open than I ever have before. I need to change.
{I could go on for days, but I figure realistically, I'm not going to commit to a bunch of stereotypical, metaphorical goals and then let myself, and especially the people around me, down.}
So....
Finally, I want to be able to dance. That link probably just lost me the contest, and even though it's much less serious, it is true. Besides, the mood needed lightening. And seriously, I believe that dancing is an interestingly vital part of our being made in God's image. It is about freedom, and intimacy, and being alive. Even still, I need to change. [At least enough to make it through a reception.]
I think the Living A Better Story seminar would help by giving me the motivation and encouragement to know that my goals aren't crazy. To know that even though I'm an average human being, I can be wonderful. My story can resound throughout my surroundings and motivate others to change their stories. I think it would help me to compassionately move others, because I believe without a strong stirring in the heart, no one is ever truly motivated for change. I'm sick of being an average guy with good intentions, and although I know I can make these changes on my own, Living a Better Story would be an absolutely astounding chance to take a first step. A "no-turning back step," if you will.
In chemistry, reactions don't happen unless you force them too. Sure, some reactions happen readily, and easily, but they still require that irreversible moment to start them, from which you can't ever go fully back. If I go to the seminar, not only will I change because my heart desires it, I will also change because I know that I can and I must. That first step is the one that I can't turn back from, and once I take it, I know the other risks and rewards will pan out, somehow and some way. I want the extreme difficulty, and the ridiculous amount of satisfaction that comes with knowing I've given it my all, and my all is all I can do.
I will change.
The link to the conference website is here.
Living a Better Story Seminar from All Things Converge Podcast on Vimeo.
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"If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea." - Antoine de Saint Exupéry
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